It’s fine.  It’s totally fine.  There’s absolutely nothing wrong at all.

Except…

why the fuck do I care so much?  What kind of friends am I making here?  If they make plans with me and then bail at the last fucking minute, what does that say about me?  Am I really not that strong?  

But you know it’s fine.

Because, clearly, it’s ok to care too much.  It’s ok to care about people who disregard their own personal health.  It’s ok to care about someone and make sure they’re ok when their reaction is to be fake and push you away so that I leave, even when she clearly is not coherent at all.  I mean I want to fucking help, but the stupid bitch won’t let me.  What am I supposed to do?

But it’s fine.

Because i’m supposed to be good enough, right?  I’m supposed to believe that there’s someone, somewhere, out there for me that will be everything I want and will accept all that I have, right?

Yeah… FUCK THAT SHIT.

Everything is changing for the worse.  I honestly think I’ve gained more weight than when I moved into SB.  I’m becoming more cynical and mean, which is just pushing more people away.  And to top it all off, I’m just too damn stressed.  How is anything gonna become good when everything is moving towards negativity?  the worst part about this whole thing: I CAN’T DO A GODDAMN THING ABOUT IT.  My life is on a string, held by someone who always pulls away when something good happens.  

The only thing I have left to control is my attitude.  So you know what? I’m tired.

I’m tired of caring too much about bullshit people.

I’m tired of always being pushed around.

I’m tired of depending on people who do nothing but let me down.

I’m tired of being the nice guy only o have people think that I’m a bad person.

I’M TIRED OF THE DISRESPECT.

So fuck all of you.   Go burn in hell for all I care.  If I’m not even your friend, then I don’t give a damn about you.   Fuck all the bullshit; get out of my life.